These small rooms, six small spaces, folded in upon themselves when left alone forgotten closed darkened cold.  When paced at unlit clouded moonless star-blocked unacceptable hours a treadmill cage where conversations just completed screech and wail unoiled ignored; hellish. Windows boarded painted obscured lenses to a world kept apart for safety's sake when safety is the curse adored; abhorred. Through untended walls and nailed shut doors the sounds of strangulation murder, hatred, panting dripping shouting fucking in fear, pipes that blocked leak black water soils that stain and drip on unswept warped scratched and furrowed floors; my soul. Rise from bed; awake.  Shudder shake, pillow dear one pillow lover in my desire, absence makes us pillow friends, now shaped by thigh now sculpted by desire, mid crushed and female formed in white, lays reposed lays in exposition waves of linen tossed torn kicked to heaven, ghost of one needed one longed about in tear stained paper one dark if not satin at least cotton one sea tossed in my heat my burning wet gasping heat; beaten. Legless tottering dazed zeroed throb of blood pulse pressure, I stagger in my nudity my body longing for the surgeon's knife that technical tubular device designed to rip and tear what so long has been a cursed burden that bleeds now unscheduled, random ticking clock that drives me singing up and hammers me to earth and off abyss after abyss after abyss; angel of light's delight my fertility;vacuum.  I range, lope through fields of human, leap and bite and claw and tear to feed what is never hungered; hold me.


These small set of spaces, my cage of freedom, my allowed path worn down to stone by fleshed foot path clearing thorn and pebbled blistered crushed cut uncalloused nerve exposed traveled torn toothed gnawing; trap. I remember your words;clarity.  I cornered my thoughts, stopped writing in my echoing brain, I listened to you instead after you had left, after we had almost had sex, after I in desecrated thoughts believed I understood your question; sacrilege.  I closeted in a smaller space uncounted in the six I am able to touch, a tiny unlit storage of forgetful, a put away place; realization.  Your desires become the tantamount, your inquiries and need, your search, your fingers on my face in question marks left inked patterns; illumination.  My shoulders rise, I fall against the fibered invisible shapes that drift within this uncounted set off walls floor and roof, sea tossed again, waves of self-abuse; guilt. I did not understand at all, I without flesh and senses and touch and smell, I blinded in conviction that I might heal; pride fell.